No Greater Love

Caleb May 2008

Here is a blog from my old biz site (ASTF).  Until tonight I didn't know just how much it meant to the mom or that she was linked to it still.  So for her I am transferring it here to the new page.  Seve thank you so much for your sweet words.   
 
This will probably and most likely be the hardest post ever....I just had the hardest session of my life. What I am about to write will be with me all my days. If you don't have time now please try and visit again and read about two very special people that entered my life. Seve and Scott Smith whom are here in montana to finish out Scotts degree and will in time return to their home in Utah.

As some know I am an affiliate photographer for a beautiful foundation called NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep). I currently serve the Bozeman and surrounding areas. (now Billings MT 2011)

For weeks, they have known they were pregnant with twin boys only that one would most likely not come home with them. One night I received an email from Seve whom had found my name on the list on the NILMDTS website. She explained her situation which led to a maternity shoot and I have never seen a more beautiful mom in waiting.

The boys weren't due until June but we figured sometime in May. I was to be in Colorado to shoot a wedding early May and asked a friend to find someone else to help her because I had a wierd feeling. Seve had her initial early labor signs the day I should have been in Colorado so I was grateful I was in the area should my services be needed. I was then to be in Oregon for another wedding when other medical issues came up that prevented that trip. We had a few ups and downs be on call phone calls because we are about to have these babies.....all cancelled then came the call....I am also on the board for another non profit organization headed by Amity Shay Neff of Montana Mamas and we got out the word for prayers and thoughts for this family as we knew as mothers ourselves this wasn't going to be an easy time for them.

Well as they say everything happens for a reason and this family was going to need me bright and early Monday May 12th. Seve called me Saturday to let me know Monday 7:30 a.m. she was scheduled for surgery, OR was booked so this time was the for sure deal she had kept them in 1 1/2 weeks longer and gave them a better chance. Well as all best laid plans...Caleb and David arrived a slight bit earlier still than even we had anticipated. I entered the room that monday morning only to discover the boys made their arrival at 6:41 and 6:42 a.m. Seve was rushed for an emergency csection as David was coming feet first.

Upon entering the room I saw the cutest little head being lovingly held by his mother. Caleb was holding his own at this point. Oxygen wasn't an option for him only skin to skin contact from the very familiar body he had known. Dad I heard did still get to cut the umbilical cords and got the boys cries on video. As I looked around there were soooo many loving family members there to cherish every moment Caleb had to offer. at 8:05 a.m. little Caleb entered Heaven. I was there at the Billings hospital approx. 5 hours to capture the moments and emotions as they unfolded.

Words spoken by Seve will forever more be with me was when she thanked Caleb for coming and letting her be his mother. There has never been a more sincere moment I personally remember witnessing.

I am sure Caleb was thanking her for accepting him knowing he was only to make this journey to hold his brother Davids' hand as they entered this realm. I am sure he was saying he felt sooo special because mommy and daddy felt it important enough to document his time on earth. You made a difference mom and dad! There is documentation if only for a short while I can never thank you enough for this selfless act. As days and years go by you will wonder why this happened. Though our time was short you showed me more love than some experience in a whole lifetime. I still have a very important job to do for you see I am now Davids guardian. He is going to need all the strength we can all offer to help him get off of oxgen and feel your loving arms like I have already got to do.

Words spoken by Seve will forever more be with me was when she thanked Caleb for coming and letting her be his mother. There has never been a more sincere moment I personally remember witnessing.

I am sure Caleb was thanking her for accepting him knowing he was only to make this journey to hold his brother Davids' hand as they entered this realm. I am sure he was saying he felt sooo special because mommy and daddy felt it important enough to document his time on earth. You made a difference mom and dad! There is documentation if only for a short while I can never thank you enough for this selfless act. As days and years go by you will wonder why this happened. Though our time was short you showed me more love than some experience in a whole lifetime. I still have a very important job to do for you see I am now Davids guardian. He is going to need all the strength we can all offer to help him get off of oxgen and feel your loving arms like I have already got to do.

to big brother ethan thank you for the special kisses you gave they made me feel so loved by you.

mommy thank you for life you gave. Our bond will never die.

daddy thank you for being soooo strong please continue to be there for mommy at this delicate time.

my dear sweet twin David we had months together, I held your hand and gave my last breaths to give you strength to keep fighting.

to all my family: grandparents, aunts, uncles in the room I trully felt your love. I don't think anyone has ever felt so much. thank you and I left knowing you will be with my mommy and daddy thru this difficult time. As we know her love was so great that the pain will be even more

Please tell all the doctors and nurses thank you...esp that nurse that gave me my bath with daddy she was so gentle with me even knowing I was already gone. Mommys main nurse even came in even though she wasn't on call how sweet was that. They did a great job and for that something special will come back and someday they will get recognition for it.

I stayed as long as I could but time ran out. We will always be together in our hearts and we will meet again. whats that saying: it's how I lived that matters and anything else...really does not matter and mommy you said it best you wanted photos as memories will fade and the pain will lessen and you didn't want to forget a detail of my life. Think about how I lived rather than how I passed on. Cherish the footprints I have left on your heart....
Love Always~ Caleb

Their Maternity session just prior to giving birth:
This shoot was a lot of fun. Little E made some of the photos just awesome and where I would have loved to havve had him in more photos he had other ideas;0) Gotta love 18 month olds. Mom was just beautiful and had just gotten all dolled up just for her photo event. I believe the words out of her mouth as I was leaving was she was feeling spoiled. I was happy to hear that as any mother deserves to feel that way now and then.